I used to sit at the back, but now I sit at the front.

This one is dedicated to all my shy people and I’ll start by saying if you are extremely shy that is totally okay, but it also doesn’t have to stay that way if you don’t want it to.

Let me take you back quite a few years.

When I tell you I was the world’s most shy girl, oh my god that doesn’t even cut it. I’d cry every morning when my mum left me into primary school because I felt too shy to go in. When the teacher would do the roll call I would feel physically sick before it came to my name because I didn’t want to say “here” in front of everyone.

I’d panic so much about speaking in groups in case someone didn’t hear what I said and I think I kind of manifested people not hearing me, because that would then happen and I’d want the ground to swallow me up. I literally have no idea why I was like that to be honest, I just took it as part of my personality. When I was alone or with my sister etc, the wacky and funny me would have no bother showing herself but it was almost as if I let my personality get shadowed by my shyness.

Life happens, you grow older and experience situations that help you come out of your shell. During secondary school I was still insanely shy but I had some good people around me who knew the real me. Although, going to St Joseph’s College made it very hard for you to be shy, I feel like it wasn’t for the faint hearted lol. I was still shy but managed to get myself in to trouble a few times here and there (that can be another blog lol).

University was the start of me coming fully out of my shell though. I forced myself to take the lead on group projects, put myself forward to speak for the group, present in front of class and generally do things I normally wouldn’t have done. I started to realise that I actually enjoyed it. Who would have thought that the girl who had to walk out of a job interview as a teenager because she physically couldn’t speak with nerves could stand in front of a full assembly and speak confidently on an academic subject, certainly not me.

Fast forward to now, my confidence is something that I am insanely proud of, not in a cocky way, but in a way that younger me would be so happy and proud of. I’ve spoke on podcasts, been interviewed on the radio, spoke to hundreds of young girls at a self love event, presented to investors, presented to Queens University Masters students, I sit in a boardroom as the only female in the leadership team and can confidently and intellectually get my points across at the big scary table. If anyone does a roll call I shout HEREEEEEEEEEEE!

Younger me is so fucking proud.

Don’t get me wrong, the shy part of me still exists, but I just do my best to make sure it doesn’t hold me back from opportunities. I still have a LOT to learn.

So, why am I giving you this deep dive into my childhood shyness? Because of the purpose behind every blog. I write these all for my younger self, and for people out there who were like me and need to read something relatable and know that things are okay, and they can get better and we should believe in ourselves, and love ourselves, and be where our feet are, and practice gratitude for the tiny things in life – allllll of the stuff I talk about on my Instagram and this website.

If you feel like your shyness gets in the way of your potential, the day will come when you will feel ready to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Maybe that day is today!

When I was younger, in group situations like assemblies and events, I used to always sit at the back and hide myself from view. But now? Oh I’m at the front making myself known.

Take this as your sign to sit at the front, you never know what might happen.

To younger Catherine, you are doing better than you could have ever imagined. Love, Catherine from the future 🙂

If you liked this blog post – you can read more here. I post short form blogs on my Instagram too, you can follow me here.