OMG, that wee girl loves herself.

Why would you not want to love yourself? I’ll tell you why. In my opinion, people in Northern Ireland bait it in to you to play yourself down, be humble, don’t big yourself up and when someone compliments you? Oh you immediately counter act that compliment with a “No what are you on about sure I only got this top from primark, it’s nothing”. 

I grew up with this. I was educated this in school. A lot of the time my family taught me this (through no fault of their own it’s been passed down from generation to generation and no one had really broke the cycle until just after the 2000’s). 

If you went to school around my era then you 100% would have heard the kids saying, “OMG that wee girl loves herself” if someone showed the slightest bit of confidence in themselves. So we were all conditioned to believe that showing pride in ones self was to be showing off and that’s something that was completely frowned upon in NI, maybe further afield too. Let me know if you experienced this elsewhere. 

So that was me growing up believing this, never show off, you aren’t as pretty as you think, it’s good manners to put yourself down or not big yourself up. I think we need to take a lesson from the Americans. They are fulllllll of this, self love, self pride, everything. 

Growing up, my group of friends were always used to me being the quiet one, when I spoke they would pretend they (I say they but this was 1/2 close friends in particular) didn’t hear anything, and that embedded a personality trait in me to be quiet, I was bubbly and loud to those who I was extremely close too, but afraid to be myself around external people because of this. What a horrible thing to do, you really don’t realise how a small act can alter someone’s life so please teach your children to be kind, empathetic and loving. I am far from a quiet person. In fact, I am pretty out there and boisterous and this only really came out again as I approached my mid 20’s. Well it came out when I was drinking but I still had the embedded fear of speaking and that no one would hear me so I tended to keep quiet when I was sober. This meant that new people never really knew the real me, and to this day sometimes it does take me a while to get to know someone before I let them see all of my personality, especially dating. I rarely go on dates (through my own choice) and when I do it definitely takes me a long time to open up and be my full self, the last person I dated actually said, god I expected you to be more of a rocket, well if you are reading this then this is why. I am a rocket, I am f*cking hilarious, probably one of the funniest girls you’ll ever meet but I tend to not let that shine out until I really get to know someone. I let this side of me come out on social media at times but it’s because I feel comfortable there, which is ironic ‘cause I’m showing my life to a lot of people but it feels natural to me. And so does this, baring all and writing about my emotions in the hope that it resonates with just one person to make them feel better, that is why I do this. 

On the flip side of this, when I meet people who know nothing about me (in a friendship way), sometimes I can be my true flamboyant, headcase self lol I found this come out particularly when I decided to go travelling through the balkans by myself. I was able to be me with out any inhibitions. 

I tell you all of this to explain why it took me a long time to love myself. I was always so worried about what others would think of me. But in reality, holy f*ck, why was I basing my self worth on the opinion of strangers, acquaintances, people who added no value to my life – how mad is that!! You love yourself for you. You spend the most time with yourself, people come and go, enter and leave, you are the only person who you spend your full life with, so please LOVE YOURSELF. You are amazing. I actually have tears in my eyes writing this because I know so many people don’t love themselves and the most part is because of external forces. 

You da baddest b*tch on da block, realise this, own this, believe this. Do you know that your life instantly gets better the moment you love yourself? You stop settling for less, you expect the best because you know your worth, you look in the mirror and big yourself up, you make bigger and better things happen for yourself when you back yourself. If you don’t do this then now is the time. Go to the mirror and look at yourself in the eyes and give yourself a compliment, I know this sounds so cringe but this is a catalyst for self love. I do it everyday. I walk past the mirror and go holy f*ckkkk you are an absolute champion Cat, because I am!! My sister always laughs at me because I act as if everything revolves around me, so does my nephew James, if you haven’t seen him yet go watch the highlights on my Instagram of him he is amazing, he taught me more about self love than anyone and he’s only 5! I am a living legend. I love me. 

Go love you. 

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